Recap: 'American Horror Story: Apocalypse' so far

There's no denying, we're totally hooked on the latest season of American Horror Story. We've been excited from the moment it was announced it would be a crossover between Murder House and Coven. Two of our favourite seasons! In just four episodes, Apocalypse has been the gift that keeps on giving. From whacked-out sex scenes to the reappearance of familiar faces, meme-worthy one-liners to twists galore. We have found ourselves eagerly awaiting the next episode.

Because we're completely in love with this season and aware that there's the ultimate season shift coming up in episode 5, we've decided to start a weekly recap. However before we do that, let's just catch you all up to speed. But first, SPOILER WARNING!

In Ryan Murphy's latest season, the end of times come in the form of a nuclear missile attack. A scary reality that is entirely possible in these modern times. We immediately follow Coco (Leslie Grossman) a spoiled wannabe Instagram influencer who happens to be the daughter of a billionaire.

Due to the impending threat, she finds out that there's a plane waiting to take her away to a private underground bunker for the rich. Since her family are caught in Hong Kong, she ends up making the journey with her assistant Mallory (Billie Lourd), her campy hairdresser Mr. Gallant (Evan Peters), and his former Hollywood star grandmother Evie played by the iconic Joan Collins.

Evie is instantly one of our favourite characters. From sharing her disappointments of sleeping with Yul Brynner and to the fact that she continued to eat every last drop of stew that happens to actually be made from an actual guy called Stu.

They're joined by this season's shirtless twink Timmy (Kyle Allen) and Emily (Ash Santos). It turns out the pair were chosen because their DNA is allegedly genetically superior and worth surviving in the event of a nuclear holocaust. I guess this is just another reason to opt out of My Health Record.

There's also former talk-show host Dinah Stevens (Adina Porter), Andre Stevens (Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman) and his lover the ill-fated Stu (Chad James Buchanan) who didn't even make it through the first episode. Anyone also finds it weird that Timmy was the only straight male allowed to survive the apocalypse?

After missiles decimate most the world, the select band of survivors finds they must navigate through the horrors of Outpost Three. An underground bunker run by an organisation called The Cooperative headed by tyrannical matriarch Wilhemina Venable (Sarah Paulson). Think the headmistress from Hell. She makes Professor Umbridge from Harry Potter look like roses and chocolates. While her henchwoman Miriam Mead (Kathy Bates) looks like a BDSM mistress from The Matrix.

Outpost Three looks like an underground Hogwarts where Victorian fashion is all the rage. However, the Outpost gets a shake-up when Cooperative representative Michael Langdon (Cody Fern) graces the survivors with his presence. That's when things start getting super interesting. Remember the demon baby at the end of Murder House? Well, he's all grown up with lucious hair, and he means business.

Seems the other outposts have fallen to mutant cannibals and he's been given the duty to select some of the survivors to join him at a safe haven known as the sanctuary. This is where everything starts going out of control. Evan Peters' gay hairdresser ends up having sex with the Murder House's Rubber Man. Anyone else finds the idea of Peters screwing himself a bit of a turn on? Ryan Murphy, you're a genius!

Evie betrays her grandson which results with her getting stabbed to death with hair scissors. For now, it looks like that's the last of Joan Collins. Timmy and Emily who have been in a secret relationship discover Venable has been making up the rules all along including the one about sex being punishable by death. The pair decides to screw the rules (literally) and do the deed only to get caught. However just when they're about to be executed Timmy fights back which results in Miriam being shot and discovering she's a machine.

As Langdon's interviews continue, it's discovered that not everything is as it seems with Mallory. She makes flames explode, and he goes demon face. It's safe to say he's a little scared of her. Landon calls up daddy Satan as to what to do next.

Venable teams up with Miriam hatching a plan to kill everyone by feeding them poisoned apples under the guise of a masquerade ball and make their own way to the Sanctuary. To their disappointment, Langdon is nowhere to be seen, but they go ahead with their plan anyway.

Coco dances with a masked man and assumes it to be Langdon. She attempts to sleep her way into the Sanctuary only to find out it's actually her partner Brock (Billy Eichner) who survived the nuclear holocaust and is out for revenge and stabs her in the head.

Meanwhile, Venable and Miriam's plan is a success. Just like that, all the characters that you've gotten to know over the last three episodes die in a mess of vomit like something out of the poltergeist. Is this the last we see of them? This is American Horror story, so anything is possible.

The pair then hunts down Langdon to finally wipe him out of the picture. Much to Venable's surprise, Miriam has been programmed to obey Landon's commands and puts a bullet through her. Not only was the poison apples part of his plan all along, but Miriam was created in the image of a woman from his childhood.

Then we get our first appearance of our favourite Coven. Cordelia Goode (Sarah Paulson's second character for the season), Madison Mongomery (Emma Roberts) and Myrtle Snow (Frances Conroy) rock up to resurrect their "sisters" Mallory, Coco and Dinah.

As it turns out the recently dead ladies were apparently under an identity spell that erased their memories to prevent them from evil. Langdon confronts the coven, and it's clear they've met before. Myrtle is back in great form and has a dig at the alleged anti-christ's choice of fashion

What follows is an epic backstory that flashes back to three years before the nuclear holocaust at an all-boys school for warlocks called Hawthorne. Turns out these warlocks are under the guidance of Behold Chablis (Billy Porter), Baldwin Pennypacker (B.D. Wong), and John Henry Moore (Cheyenne Jackson).

With supernatural powers at their fingertips, they instead spend their time surfing the internet waiting for the prophesied "alpha." Discovering surveillance footage of a young Michael Langdon exploding a detective's head in an interrogation room, they quickly come to the conclusion they have found their "chosen one" who might be able to usurp the witches and their power. So begins the battle of genders.

We also find out that Miriam Mead has been looking after Langdon and is big fan of his dad, Satan. What the hell happened to Jessica Lange's Constance? Allegedly we'll find out in episode 6. After a butcher insults Miriam, Langdon uses his powers and turns the insulter into a pin cushion, thus leading to his imprisonment

Grand chancellor Ariel Augustus (Jon Jon Briones) takes it upon himself and breaks the now-murderer out of jail. It's discovered that after Cordelia went public with her school, the warlocks weren't so lucky and had people burn theirs to the ground. So in a metaphorical move, they went underground.

After attending the school for a month, the council of warlocks put the 17-year-old Langdon through some tests. He passes with flying colours, and it looks like the warlocks have finally found the answer to their witch problem.

We then get a bit of backstory with the witches and Miss Robichaux's Academy. Turns out Mallory was not only a student there but also a descendant of the Salem witches and also surprises the girls with her own extraordinary powers.

The coven of warlocks call an emergency meeting claiming they've finally found a male Supreme. This seems impossible to Cordelia because of genetics. However, the men demand she administer the test of the seven wonders. But she refuses to do so in fear of sending Langdon to his death. Remember Misty?

They then proceed to call her a bigot and accuse her of abandoning Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe) to an eternity in Hotel Cortez purgatory. As it turns out this was the supreme's greatest failure and shame, as she couldn't free her as the hotel is under the control of pure evil, making her powers completely useless.

Of course, this isn't the case for Michael Langdon, who just casually walks into the hotel and frees Queenie from an endless cycle of playing cards with Evan Peters as James Patrick March. Yes, that's right we just got a Hotel crossover too.

Langdon doesn't stop there. He then visits Madison Montgomery's personal hell working as a sales assistant where everyone mistakes her for Lindsay Lohan. In typical Madison fashion, she even offers him sexual favours. After all, It has been a while since she's had a good dickin'. Langdon takes the pair back to Hawthorne, and the very sight of them makes Cordelia faint. And now we're up to date...