Game of Thrones recap: Someone give that girl a snickers bar!

14 May 2019
Chad St. James
Categories: Film + TV

Well, the dust has settled, and it's time for another Game of Thrones recap. Titled The Bells, the penultimate episode of the final ever season of Game of Thrones definitely went off with a bang and if you were in King's Landing, lots and lots of bangs. It was all kinds of dramatic.


The episode started off rather quietly with Daenerys locking herself away from everyone in Dragonstone. With Missandei losing her head at the end of the last episode, she doesn't have her BFF to braid her hair and do her makeup, so the mother of dragons is looking like a hot mess.

You can't really blame her. She recently found out her lover is her nephew and has more right to the throne than she does. In one day she lost one of her dragons and watched her BFF get decapitated. Then to make matters worse Varys the "Master of Whispers," has been the Westeros equivalent of Gossip Girl behind her back.

Next minute everyone is standing around looking rather solemn as Daenerys hands out the death sentence for Varys in one of the best shots of the entire series. Did someone say Eunuch BBQ?

As it turns out Jaime has somehow managed to get captured yet again. He deserves a sash for Westeros' Damsel in Distress. Like Seriously, how many times has he been capture now? Tyrion now filled with doubt hatches a plan to have his brother escape and to go warn Cersei so the two can flee and live happily ever after in incest.

But before that, it's time for war. It seems Daenerys and Drogon have learned a few lessons in battle since last week, drops out of nowhere above the Iron Fleets, wipes them out in seconds and then takes out the gates to King's Landing. Why she just didn't' do that last week, I have no idea.

For aesthetic reasons, Grey Worm decides not to wear his helmet and lead the charge into the capital by taking out the leader of the Golden Company. It's a quick, easy win for Daenerys and co, and just when you think this battle couldn't get any more vanilla, the bells of surrender ring and it looks like everyone is gonna shake hands, kiss, and makeup, Daenerys goes full Mad Queen.

Suddenly she starts handing out Dracarys like Oprah does cars. Dracarys for everyone. And when we say everyone, this even includes innocent little children. Jon and Tyrion's facial expressions say it all. This wasn't how things were meant to go down. The Mad Queen is literally turning King's Landing to ashes before their eyes.

While all this is going on, Jaime is trying to make his way through a secret passage to save Cersei. Except somehow Euron who survived the fleet massacre feels they should fight for who has the right to be with Cersei. It's all very athletic with a lot of tumbling, choking, punching and stabbing. Jaimie wins of course, but he's also fatally wounded.

Meanwhile, Arya and The Hound are also on their own mission charging through the castle. Arya's got her kill list to wrap up, and The Hound has his own agenda. As the whole castle is tumbling around them, they share a moment, and he encourages her to forget revenge and go live. Next minute she's running around the streets terrified like everyone else as Daenerys and Drogon continue to burn everything to the ground.

The Hound bumps into Cersei with Qyburn and The Mountain who currently trying to flee the Red Keep. Talk about awkward. It looks like The Mountain is done taking orders and shatters Qyburn's head into some rocks. After Cersei realises it's best not to be involved in this family reunion and casually continues on her way, it's time for the highly anticipated Cleganebowl.

The Hound finally unmasks The Mountain to reveal a steroid mouldy Darth Vader. What follows is a pretty savage fight and when The Hound realises this is one battle he's not going to win he pushes his undead brother through a crumbling wall with the pair plummeting to their fiery deaths.

Jaimie and Cersei also finally find each other. It's a short reunion that for a moment you forget all the messed up shit they've done over the seasons, and you find yourself hoping they escape so they can live out the rest of their lives being weird with each other. While many of us were hoping that Cersei would get what she deserves, we have to remember this is Game of Thrones after all.

This show has always been about crushing our expectations whether we like it or not. So why would this be any different? The bad guys don't always get what they deserve. Sometimes they just get a castle collapsing on them instead. When you think about it, it's all a little poetic in itself. The Castle Cersei thought would protect her, literally was the thing that killed her. However, dying with Jaime is a little bittersweet. They came into the world together, they fucked over Westeros together, it only makes sense that they'd leave this world together.

By the end of the episode, Daenerys has pretty much turned King's Landing to ashes, and we finish with Arya who barely made it out alive riding a horse that conveniently survived the fiery apocalypse leaving us with a million questions left hanging in the air to hopefully be resolved in one episode.

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